"THAT" space...

(This is the 2nd time I’ve said this out loud this week! Go me! Because you know... vulnerability is not my strong suite)

Depression...... it’s a place that feels isolated, suffocating, and seemingly endless. It’s a space where shadows linger, intrusive thoughts wander, and the weight of the world seems to be resting on shoulders that are too tired to carry it. For a couple of months now, I have TUSSLED with the desire to escape this space, to run away from this discomfort, and this pain... bouncing back and forth between “I’m okay”, “I’m not okay”, “I’m amazing” and “meh”

So, I am in the middle of this very beautiful party with all of these beautiful people, in this beautiful home, bearing my soul about what I want...how I have been feeling... where I want to go... what I would like my relationships to look like... and what I want to do next... and my friend tells me “I get it! You have to be in that space to be in THAT space”  

This echoed in my mind for the rest of the night– "you have to be in that space to be in that space." What does that really mean for me? It means acknowledging and accepting the depth of my emotions, no matter how uncomfortable or painful they may be. It means truly sitting with my own vulnerability, staring into the depths of my thoughts, and finding the strength to confront every single one of my demons.

But this is shit that I already know! So why has THIS space been so different and difficult?... On my way home, I thought of a specific time when I said that I wanted to dig a lot deeper... past all the surface shit and then I remembered “the universe is orchestrating the perfect opportunities for me everyday”... Insert eye roll here because I realize I literally asked for these “opportunities” for growth and healing... now look at me... crying every 20 minutes and ashy.

This space that I am in is far from easy. It has required a willingness to be present with my emotions, to really explore the root of my pain, and to confront the shadows that haunt my mind. It means allowing myself to feel the full spectrum of emotions, without judgment or resistance.

In the midst of this journey, I am discovering that healing is not about escaping the darkness but understanding it. It's about recognizing that the shadows are an essential part of my story, not something to be feared or evaded. Being in this space, I continue to find the courage to rewrite the script of my own life.

“You have to be in that space to be in THAT space” – a reminder that healing is a process, not a destination. It's about navigating the depths of our emotions, embracing discomfort, and emerging on the other side with newfound strength and resilience.

As I continue on my journey, I recognize that being in this space is a transformative act of self-love. It requires me to extend real compassion to myself, acknowledging that my struggles do not define me but are merely a chapter in the larger narrative of my life.

Today, I stand right in the thick of this space, not completely untouched by the shadows but also not consumed by them... with a newfound appreciation for the light. This part of my healing journey will be a pivotal chapter in my life, one that will reshape my understanding of resilience, empathy, and the power of self-discovery.

So, if you find yourself in this space – this dark, unsettling space – remember that healing begins with the willingness to be present, to explore, and to understand "You have to be in that space to be in that space"…. And I am here WITH YOU in this space, fighting.